There’s really nothing better than being a mom. Helping to form these amazing people. We pour our hearts and souls into nurturing our children, ensuring their happiness and success, often at the expense of our own aspirations.

It’s crucial to remember that our dreams matter too.

In fact, by pursuing our passions, we not only fulfill our own potential but also set a powerful example for our children to follow theirs.

Yet, despite this knowledge, many of us find ourselves held back by a sneaky adversary: self-sabotage. Whether it’s doubt, fear, or guilt, these internal barriers can derail our best-laid plans and keep us from reaching our full potential.

It’s time to prioritize ourselves, ignite our passions, and show our children the limitless possibilities that come from following our hearts.

Understanding Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is like a silent thief that creeps into our minds, robbing us of our dreams and potential. It’s the voice that whispers, “You’re not good enough,” or “You’ll never succeed,” casting doubt and fear into our hearts.

As moms, we’re particularly susceptible to self-sabotage, often juggling multiple responsibilities and struggling to find a balance between our own desires and the needs of our families.

We take the backseat to our own dreams without much thought that maybe we could find a compromise. We don’t always notice we’ve done this either.

What is self-sabotage and how does it manifest?

Self-sabotage can take many forms, from procrastination and perfectionism to negative self-talk and fear of failure. It’s the subconscious patterns of behavior and thought that undermine our efforts and keep us stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and frustration.

Whether it’s avoiding taking risks, downplaying our achievements, or sabotaging opportunities for growth, self-sabotage can sabotage our success before we even have a chance to try.

Common triggers for moms: Guilt, fear of failure, lack of self-belief.

As moms, we face a unique set of triggers that can fuel self-sabotage.

The guilt of putting our needs first, the fear of not measuring up to societal expectations, and the relentless pressure to be the perfect parent can all contribute to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

We may question our worthiness to pursue our dreams, fearing that we’re neglecting our families or that we’ll never be able to live up to our own expectations.

Recognizing your own patterns: Reflecting on past behaviors and thoughts.

The first step in overcoming self-sabotage is recognizing it for what it is: a self-imposed barrier to our own success.

Take a moment to reflect on past instances where you may have held yourself back or sabotaged your own efforts.

What were the underlying beliefs or fears driving these behaviors?

By shining a light on these patterns, we can begin to dismantle them and reclaim control over our lives.

Outside voices don’t matter…but they sure are loud

It is so much easier to hear all the negative things people say over the positive. The doubters over the supporters.

I feel like we all have one of those people in our lives that can’t keep their opinions to themselves. They always have a comment even when we don’t ask for them.

One negative comment can give us 100 reasons to quit where 100 positive comments get lost in that one negative.

We don’t forget these things.

They dig deep into our self-conscience. They cause self-doubt. They cause fear. They cause us to stop or to never start.    

How do we turn this off.

How do we believe in ourselves.

My journey with self-sabotaging behaviors

You would think that after almost 2 decades in the childcare business I would feel confident when interviewing prospective families. That I would hold tours with ease.

That I would remember I can accept or deny anyone, and my spots will always be full.

But I write lists 2 years in advance showing my open spaces and worry about filling that opening two years from now.

I open temporary spots for summers only and accept anyone for fear of getting no one.

Then I have people sending me messages telling me how highly recommended I am, and can they please get my next infant opening…which isn’t for 16 months, they reserve the spot.

Why am I so hard on myself?

Why am I expecting failure when there hasn’t been any?

Sitting in a place of what if – what if – what if.

But what if you are successful?

The Importance of Prioritizing Your Dreams

Prioritizing your dreams isn’t selfish; it’s an act of self-love and self-care that benefits both you and your family. It shows that you value yourself and your passions.

When you prioritize your dreams, you signal to yourself and those around you that your aspirations matter, laying the foundation for a life filled with purpose and fulfillment. By investing in your dreams, you cultivate a sense of empowerment that ripples through every aspect of your existence, inspiring others to do the same.

Your dreams are not just wishes—they’re opportunities waiting to be realized.

Time To Take Action

What is your dream? What is your passion? What is your identity?

What do YOU want?

Maybe it’s to start a blog of your own, or an Etsy store.

Maybe you want to write a book or learn to crochet.

Maybe you want to be an entrepreneur or learn to cook.

Action Step #1

Define your dreams: Identifying what you truly desire.

Take some time to reflect on your passions, interests, and long-term aspirations. What are the dreams that light a fire in your soul? Whether it’s starting your own business, going back to school, or pursuing a creative endeavor, be clear and specific about what you want to achieve.

Action Step #2

Breaking it down: Breaking larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks.

Big dreams can feel overwhelming, but breaking them down into smaller, actionable tasks can make them more manageable and less daunting. Create a step-by-step plan outlining the actions you need to take to move closer to your goals, and prioritize your tasks based on their importance and urgency.

Try using the SMART criteria. Make sure your goals are Specific (clear and well-defined), Measurable (quantifiable and trackable), Achievable (within your capabilities), Relevant (aligned with your values and priorities), and Time-bound (with a deadline for completion).

Action Step #3

Get out of your head

You know that little voice in your head telling you all the reasons why you can’t do something? Why you won’t succeed? What you should be doing instead that has no benefits to you and your goals?

Don’t you remember the saying “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?”

Yeah, that applies to yourself too.

It’s time to shift your thinking.

Every time you have a thought that will set you back, write down a solution.

“I don’t have the time” – “I will wake up 30 minutes sooner.”

“I want to crochet but have no talent at it” – “I will practice for 10 minutes each day.”

“I’m embarrassed to put myself out there to blog” – “I will find a community of likeminded people.”

“I don’t even know where to start” – “I will make an action plan and I will stick to it.”

Perfectionism is often a driving force behind self-sabotage, leading us to set unrealistic standards for ourselves and become paralyzed by fear of failure. Embrace the imperfections and uncertainties of the journey and recognize that growth and progress come from taking imperfect action and learning from mistakes along the way.

Action Step #4

Accountability: Sharing goals with a supportive network or partner.

Accountability can be a powerful motivator in achieving your goals. Share your dreams and aspirations with a trusted friend, family member, or mentor who can offer support, encouragement, and accountability along the way. Consider joining a mastermind group or finding an accountability partner to help you stay focused and accountable to your goals.

If you don’t feel comfortable telling those in your circle, find a Facebook group. I promise there is something for everyone.

Action step #5

Take it one step at a time!

Frustration and self-doubt is a quick way to give up. Remember you are giving up on you.

Plan out your week with your actionable tasks and check them off once finished.

Believe in yourself.

Celebrate your victories, no matter how small, and acknowledge the progress you’ve made towards your goals. Whether it’s completing a task, overcoming a fear, or learning a new skill, take time to celebrate your achievements and pat yourself on the back for your hard work and dedication.

Show up for yourself every day, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.

I challenge you to take action today. Take a moment to revisit your dreams and aspirations and commit to prioritizing them alongside your responsibilities as a parent. Embrace self-compassion, challenge negative self-talk, and surround yourself with a supportive network that believes in your potential. And above all, celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and keep pushing forward towards the life you truly desire.

Remember, you are worthy of your dreams, and your journey matters. By refusing to let self-sabotage hold you back, you’re not only empowering yourself but also paving the way for a brighter future for you and your family.

Take that first step towards your dreams today. Your future self will thank you for it.